It wasn’t that long ago...

that we were stuck in the hamster wheel of life- chasing every opportunity and ignoring our own shadows until our marriage hurt.

We were drowning in student debt, emotional baggage from our past, and the responsibilities of raising little kids. After a monumental fight, we chose to seek help and counseling with the hope that we would find healing and reconciliation. On our wedding day, no one would have ever predicted that our story would include marriage counseling in our first few years. We have gone through many storms, trials, and suffering in our marriage, and through it all, our roots have gone deeper.

Let’s rewind the story.

It was a set-up, really. Well, we were the ones doing the setting up.

We had the brilliant idea of setting up our best friends, Mitch and Karen on a blind date. Because they didn’t want to be alone- we went with them. And to encourage their dating process, we continued to “tag along” as the extras on their future dates. It’s ironic because all along, the Lord was opening our hearts, minds, and eyes to each other.

In a way, Mitch and Karen set us up and to this day, they make sure to still remind us of the part they played in our marriage (and no, they did not end up marrying each other, and both went on to marry the most incredible people). (Watch for a future blog on our “falling in love” story). 

During our dating months, we began to struggle with the same temptations that plague us all. Because of our past sexual sins, we knew that we wanted this relationship to be very different. (See 1 Corinthians 6:18, 2 Timothy 2:21, Colossians 3:5, Hebrews 13:4, Philippians 4:8, Psalm 51:10)

We made an intentional (and very difficult) decision to wait until marriage to have sex (more to come in future blog posts about deepening your roots while dating). Because the temptation to do more than kissing was becoming more difficult, we chose to set a boundary to stop kissing (which was about 7 months into our dating relationship). At the time, we had no idea if or when we would be married, but we truly wanted to honor the Lord with our relationship.

The long-awaited kiss

While the song “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid played in the background, we kicked off our marriage with a long-awaited wedding kiss! It was PURE BLISS. For us, this kiss was a representation of God’s redemption in our lives. The Lord truly washes away our deepest, darkest sins with His cleansing blood. 

For us, that kiss was everything. 

You would think that because we were so intentional about purifying our hearts before our wedding day we would enter into our marriage with a beautiful foundation of oneness. However, we quickly realized that we still carried guilt, shame memories, and “residue” from our past choices.

We found ourselves struggling to be physically and emotionally intimate. (I know, I know- you are probably questioning this given how many children we have- but trust me, it was a struggle). 

Our new marriage unity turned into disunity.

We both wondered-
“Where is this oneness that everyone talks about?”
“Why are we never on the same page?”
“Why can’t we agree about anything?” 

Within the first year, this disunity became so apparent that I (Kayla) began to wonder if I had married the right person. I didn’t share this with Christian at the time because I had held the conviction that divorce was not an option. When I opened up to my best friend, Libby, her bold answer ministered to my spirit and was a turning point for me. She said, “Kayla, whether or not you believe that Chris is “the one,” does not matter. God has now made you guys one, and therefore he is “the one” for the rest of your life. Chris became “the one” on your wedding day.”

By the way, don’t you just love having friends that love you enough to give you the honest truth? We will have more to come on the blog about deeply rooted friendships!

Fast forward 2 years, and we were brand new parents. We were joy-filled, loved the Lord, deeply invested in ministry at our church, and building careers we loved. From the outside, it looked like we had it all together. And for the most part, we were happy. 

However, we were desperately struggling to feel like we were “one.” We felt like we were living parallel lives- never truly intersecting and aligning. 

We were both tired, exhausted, and fed up with trying to do this “marriage thing” on our own. Our relationship felt cold and distant, and most days included constant arguments, bickering, and misunderstandings. Our financial situation only added to the stress (More to come in future months about our roller coaster debt-free journey). We did not share the same dreams or goals, and oftentimes, we would “crush” the other person’s dreams without even realizing it.

Just a quick side note about premarital days

We are forever grateful for the commitment we made to each other during our pre-marital days. We committed to never using the “D” word in our marriage (not even as a threat). Unbeknownst to us, we were planting deep roots in our engaged days that would anchor us during this difficult storm, years later. We never even mentioned the “D” word once. Divorce is not even on the table for us.

Our big decision to get help

Ok, so back to the story. Because divorce was never an option- we decided to seek help. Getting Christian counseling was one of the best decisions we ever made. (It’s important to note that we did not have any physical or emotional abuse going on in our relationship. We understand that some people’s only option is a divorce in an abusive marriage or affair situation. If there is any abuse happening in the marriage, we recommend that you seek professional help immediately.)

Here is the ironic thing. We thought we were going to marriage counseling to “fix” our lack of sexual intimacy. Instead, our counselor helped us realize that there were significant issues outside of the bed that needed to be addressed first. Once we addressed those issues, then we would be able to work on the emotional oneness we deeply desired. What we discovered and learned during that season changed our lives forever. 

Through years of counseling, personal growth, building our first successful family business, becoming parents, and deepening our own walks with the Lord, we have now discovered what it means to live a deeply rooted life.

Today, our life is so different. Through our trials and suffering, we have learned what it takes to become a family is unified with a mission and vision, and the necessary rhythms that need to be in place to live out a deeply rooted life in Christ.

Cultivating Our Roots

Since our counseling days, we began to make some very specific adjustments to our marriage, home, and family life. We discovered our family’s roots, and we determined what our family mission statement and vision were going to be. From there, we intentionally cultivated our family roots, and we pruned away other peoples’ expectations for our family. We now love teaching our students how to discover their own family roots, mission, and vision to live more purposeful lives!

We also implemented a non-negotiable Sabbath every single week. Because we were “yes people”, we decided to become more selective with what we gave our time to. Keeping a weekly Sabbath has required us to say “yes” to only the most important things the other six days of the week. Keeping the Sabbath weekly has been one of the most life-changing practices we have made in our home. Instead of living the crazy go-go-go lifestyle, we live with more peace, joy, and purpose. The funny thing is that our schedule is even more abundant today than back then. And we have more children.

One of our favorite things we teach our clients and students is how to honor the Sabbath, especially with a busy lifestyle practically.

We also determined our family priorities and how to live our lives by those priorities. Our family is now so clear on our top priorities, and this has been a huge key to our success as we have faced storms and trials. (Check out future blog posts about how to be rooted during suffering).

What are life is like today

We praise God because we can finally testify that we are living in the emotional oneness that we always desired. After 10 years of marriage and having 5 kids, we have established deep roots in our home, our marriage, and in Christ through our experiences, trials, and opportunities. 

We believe it is our deep roots in Christ and our character that have supported us in getting through our darkest days and brought us to the beautiful marriage and family life we have today. 

With deep roots, we are building our legacy to impact our children and future generations to come. 

We have learned that our reactions to life’s storms always indicate the depth of our root system.

Life is hard.

This is why it is so vital that we share the principles of living a rooted life with you. We can guarantee that our story is not much different from most other marriages. However, we decided to run to God instead of running away from Him.

By deepening your own roots, you and your children will also grow closer to the Lord during the hardest days of your life instead of crumbling or walking away from your faith.

Establishing strong roots in our character and faith is the “secret sauce” to standing strong and creating an impactful legacy.

If you desire to grow your roots deeper in Christ, then you are in the right place! We pour our hearts and souls into every resource we create so that you and your family are fully equipped and empowered to live out your faith. We encourage you to begin by diving into this blog.

As a next step, we invite you to join our Rooted life community! If you want to be a part of a community of rooted Christ followers, join our free Facebook community- Live a Rooted Life.

Our story has so many different layers (and we know yours does too), so we have created this blog as a place to share our stories and for you to share yours. We encourage you to comment and share your thoughts on each blog post. Together, we will become more deeply rooted individuals, families, leaders, and world changers.

Our goal here at Legacy Roots

We are here to serve you! Our goal is to support you in deepening your roots so that you too can be unshakable through the storms that will come your way.

By being a part of this community, you will be encouraged, equipped, and excited to deepen your roots. If this is your first time connecting with us, welcome to our little pocket of the internet! You are so welcome here! We invite you to join us on this journey of deepening our roots and creating a legacy that lasts.

Christian & Kayla

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   I’m so glad it was! Thanks for reading!

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   This is very helpful.

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   Thank you so much for your prayers, Mary! And thank you for being here. We pray for God’s blessings upon…

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   Yes and Amen!!

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   Great overview of what Advent is and how important…. THANKYOU. Unfortunately our culture today has turned Christmas into something that…