Ep. 25 | What to Do When Someone You Love Is Hurting

When someone you love is walking through grief or a difficult season, it’s easy to feel stuck.
You want to help. You want to make things a little lighter. But after you’ve sent the text or said, “I’m praying for you,” you’re left wondering…
What do I actually do now?
If you’ve ever felt that way, you’re not alone.
One of the greatest lessons we learned during the hardest year of our lives wasn’t just how to endure suffering. It was how deeply God loves people through the hands and feet of others.
Looking back, we don’t remember every conversation.
But we remember the people who showed up.

The Things We Never Forgot

During Darla’s first year, our family spent months living in hospitals, the Ronald McDonald House, and two different cities.
People prayed for us, and we will always be grateful for those prayers.
But they also did something more.
Friends sat beside us in the NICU without feeling like they needed to fill the silence.
Someone stayed with Christian while he cared for six kids at home.
People brought meals, sent DoorDash gift cards, folded laundry, drove our kids home from school, mailed handwritten letters, and surprised us with care packages.
None of those things changed our circumstances.
But every one of them reminded us we weren’t carrying the burden alone.
One year later, we can still tell you exactly who sent those packages to the Ronald McDonald House. We remember the meals that appeared on our doorstep. We remember the people who quietly kept showing up long after the crisis was no longer “new.”
Those small acts became some of our biggest memories.

Don’t Just Ask, “How Can I Help?”

Most of us genuinely want to help someone who’s hurting.
So we ask a question that feels kind:
“What can I do for you?”
The problem is that someone in the middle of grief or suffering usually doesn’t know how to answer.
They’re exhausted.
They’re overwhelmed.
They’re trying to remember to eat, sleep, and make it through the next hour.
Instead of placing another decision on their shoulders, consider offering something specific.
You might say:
“I’d love to bring dinner Tuesday or Thursday. Which works better?”
“I’m heading to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?”
“I’d love to watch your kids for a couple of hours this weekend.”
“I’m free this afternoon if you’d like company.”
Specific offers make it much easier for someone to receive help.

Love Becomes Believable When It Becomes Tangible

One sentence kept coming back to us as we reflected on this season:
Your love becomes believable when it becomes tangible.
It’s easy to tell someone you love them.
It’s another thing to show up with coffee.
Or fold their laundry.
Or mow their lawn.
Or sit beside them in a hospital room.
Those acts may seem ordinary to you.
To someone carrying a heavy burden, they can feel extraordinary.
Galatians tells us to “carry each other’s burdens,” and sometimes that looks incredibly practical.
Sometimes carrying a burden looks like taking dinner off someone’s plate.
Sometimes it looks like taking school pickup off a tired parent’s calendar.
Sometimes it simply looks like being present.

If You’re the One Who Is Hurting

Maybe you’re reading this from the other side.
Maybe you’re the one walking through grief.
Maybe people have offered to help, but you’ve struggled to accept it.
We understand.
Receiving help is humbling.
No one wants to feel like a burden.
But here’s something God gently taught us:
Sometimes His provision comes through His people.
The body of Christ was never designed to simply cheer one another on from a distance.
We were created to carry one another.
When someone brings you a meal or sends a gift card or offers to sit with you, they’re not inconvenienced by your pain.
They’re stepping into the story God is writing.
Allowing someone to serve you isn’t weakness.
It’s an invitation for them to love you the way Christ has loved us.

One Small Step This Week

As you finish reading, we want to leave you with one simple challenge.
Who came to mind?
Was it a friend navigating cancer?
A young family in the NICU?
A neighbor who recently lost a parent?
A couple carrying the weight of infertility?
Don’t ignore that nudge.
Send the text.
Drop off the meal.
Mail the card.
Bring the coffee.
Sit in the hospital room.
Watch the kids.
Fold the laundry.
You probably can’t change their circumstances.
But you can change whether they walk through them alone.

If this is a topic close to your heart, we’d love for you to listen to the full conversation on The Rooted Family Podcast. We share more of our family’s story, the practical ways people carried us through our hardest year, and simple ideas for becoming the kind of people who faithfully show up when others need us most.