Ep. 32 | When Did Childhood Become Too Busy? (Have We Gone Too Far?)

When did being a kid become so busy?

For many families, childhood now comes with soccer practice, dance classes, music lessons, clubs, competitions, and packed weekends. And as parents, we usually say yes for good reasons. We want our kids to grow. We want them to discover what they love. We want to give them opportunities we may not have had.

But somewhere along the way, a good desire can become a misplaced desire.

We can want to give our children more and accidentally build a family life that has less of the things we value most.

What Are We Actually Trying to Build?

One of the most important questions we can ask as parents is simple:

What are we actually trying to build as a family?

Our time gives us a pretty good answer.

If most of our free time is spent driving to practices, sitting on the sidelines, and rushing from one activity to the next, our calendar is telling us something about what we value. And sometimes, without meaning to, we can make our child and their activities the center of family life.

That can come with a cost.

We may lose family dinners. We may have less time for our marriage. We may struggle to make space for church, Sabbath, prayer, or simple time together at home.

This doesn’t mean sports, dance, music, or other activities are bad. They can teach beautiful things like teamwork, perseverance, discipline, humility, and commitment.

But they aren’t the only way our children learn those things.

Our kids can learn responsibility by helping around the house. They can learn perseverance by working through something difficult with us. They can learn to serve by helping a neighbor. They can learn practical skills by cooking dinner, changing a tire, working in the garden, or simply spending time alongside Mom and Dad.

There is so much formation happening in ordinary family life.

We Don’t Have to Keep Up

One of the hardest parts of parenting today is the feeling that everyone else is doing more.

Maybe another child is already on a competitive team. Maybe a friend’s child is taking multiple lessons each week. Maybe you hear about another family’s accomplishments and start wondering if your child is missing out.

It’s easy to think, Should we be doing that too?

But we don’t have to build our family around someone else’s calendar.

God has given each family different gifts, values, responsibilities, and seasons. What works beautifully for one family may not work for another.

That is why knowing your family’s roots matters.

When you know what your family values most, it becomes easier to create boundaries around your time. You can say, These are the nights we want to be home. This is the amount of activity our family can handle. These are the things we aren’t willing to sacrifice.

And sometimes, that means saying no to something your child really wants.

A Real Decision in Our Family

We recently found ourselves in this exact situation with our daughter, Azalea.

She loves ballet and has been dancing since she was little. As her skills have grown, so have the opportunities. She was moving toward pointe work and was invited to join the competitive company.

It was a wonderful opportunity.

And it was also a hard decision.

We have seven children. We care deeply about family dinner, time together, youth group, discipleship at home, and having space to simply be a family.

So we had to ask: What does saying yes to this mean we are saying no to?

That question has become an important one in our family.

Because every yes has a no attached to it.

Sometimes the cost isn’t financial. Sometimes it’s our energy, our peace, our marriage, our rest, or the simple rhythms that help our family stay connected.

Before we add another commitment, we want to ask, What is this doing to us? How is this forming us? And is that what we actually want?

You Get to Choose What Your Family Says Yes To

There isn’t a perfect formula for how many activities your kids should do.

For some families, a busy sports schedule may fit their values and season of life beautifully. For others, it may slowly become exhausting and unsustainable.

The goal isn’t simply to do less.

The goal is to build a family life that reflects what matters most.

So before you sign up for the next season, take a few minutes to look at your calendar. Look at your finances. Look at your marriage. Look at your family rhythms. Look at your time with God.

Then ask:

Is what we’re saying yes to helping our family become more rooted, or is it slowly pulling us away from the things that matter most?

You don’t have to keep up.

You don’t have to give your children every possible opportunity.

You can choose a slower, simpler, more intentional way to raise your kids—and still raise children who are hardworking, capable, resilient, joyful, and deeply rooted.

If this question has been sitting in the back of your mind lately, we’d love for you to listen to the full conversation on The Rooted Family Podcast: “Why Is Childhood Becoming So Busy?” We’re right there in the middle of figuring it out, too.