Ep. 33 | What Are Your Kids’ Activities Costing Your Family?

It starts innocently enough.

Your child wants to try soccer. Then piano. Then dance. Then another activity comes along that seems like such a great opportunity. You want your kids to discover what they love, develop their gifts, make friends, and learn how to work hard.

But eventually, you may find yourself looking at the family calendar and wondering, When did childhood become so busy?

The problem isn’t that kids’ activities are bad. Many of them can be wonderful. The bigger question is this: When do good things become too much for our family?

And sometimes the answer isn’t found in the activity itself. It’s found in what that activity is costing you.

Every yes has a cost

We often think about the cost of an activity in terms of money. But the real cost can be much bigger.

What is it costing your family in time? Rest? Family dinners? Church? Sabbath? Your marriage? Your child’s ability to simply be a kid?

One of the clearest signs that an activity has become too much is when your family is constantly divided. One parent is taking one child to soccer while the other parent is driving another child to baseball. You’re eating in the car, rushing from one thing to the next, and rarely sitting down together.

We’ve experienced seasons like this ourselves. We can be living under the same roof but still feel like everyone is living separate lives because the schedule has taken over.

That is worth paying attention to.

Your kids don’t need to do everything

Kayla grew up involved in a lot of activities, including figure skating, ballet, synchronized skating, and other extracurriculars.

At one point, her parents asked their kids to take a full year-long pause from extracurricular activities. At first, Kayla was heartbroken. But eventually, she realized something: she actually loved having free time.

Looking back now, she can see the wisdom in what her parents did. They weren’t telling their kids that activities were bad. They were teaching them that activities don’t have to fill every available space.

Our kids need room to play, rest, be with siblings, help around the house, read, explore, and have afternoons where nothing is planned.

They need to experience childhood—not just a childhood packed with opportunities.

What are you teaching your kids about their identity?

This may be one of the deeper questions we need to ask.

When Kayla looked back at her own childhood and young adulthood, she realized that being involved and achieving had become part of how she saw herself. She eventually recognized that she had started believing her value was connected to what she could accomplish.

That’s a dangerous lesson for any of us to accidentally teach our children.

We want our kids to work hard. We want them to pursue excellence, develop discipline, learn perseverance, and become competent adults.

But we want something even more important: for them to know that their worth isn’t something they have to earn.

Our children are valuable because they are made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Their accomplishments can be beautiful, but they don’t determine their worth.

Pay attention to your family rhythms

Sometimes the clearest sign that you’ve said yes to too much is surprisingly ordinary.

You’re not meal planning anymore. There’s no food in the house. Laundry is constantly behind. The house feels chaotic. Family dinners have disappeared. You don’t have time for family devotion. Everyone is stressed and you’re constantly trying to catch up.

Those boring, everyday rhythms matter.

Meal planning, cleaning, laundry, Sabbath, family dinners, and time together may not feel exciting, but they are often what keep a home functioning with peace. When activities consistently force those rhythms out, it may be time to reconsider the schedule.

Don’t sacrifice your marriage for your kids’ activities

This one can be uncomfortable, but it matters.

If your children’s activities are consistently taking time away from your marriage, that is a significant warning sign.

Your children will grow up and leave home. One day, it will be the two of you again.

So don’t build your entire family life around your children’s schedules and forget to build a marriage that can thrive when they are gone. We’ve had seasons where we were working hard for our kids but realized we weren’t connecting with each other the way we wanted to.

There is nothing wrong with telling your kids, “We can’t do this activity in this season because Mom and Dad need more time together.”

That isn’t selfish. It’s part of teaching your children what a healthy marriage looks like.

You don’t have to choose between activities and a rooted family

This isn’t an argument for removing every activity from your calendar.

Our kids can learn incredible things through sports, music, art, and other activities. But they can also learn discipline, perseverance, humility, service, and responsibility by helping siblings, doing chores, serving neighbors, and working alongside their parents.

It doesn’t have to be either-or. It can be both-and.

The goal isn’t to raise the busiest kids or the most accomplished kids in the room.

It’s to raise rooted kids.

So take a look at your family’s calendar this week. Ask yourself: Is what we’re saying yes to helping our family become more rooted, or is it slowly pulling us away from the things that matter most?

You don’t have to change everything overnight. But if you’ve realized something has become too much, you’re allowed to make a different choice.

For the full conversation—including more of our own stories, the hidden lessons our kids learn from our choices, and practical ways to create healthier rhythms around activities—listen to this week’s episode of The Rooted Family Podcast.