6 Ways Rooted Families Connect More During the Holidays

Most families desire more connection and quality time with their loved ones during the holidays. Especially in America, where the normal pace of life is “crazy busy.” Because the average family lives a go-go-go, non-stop life (especially during the holidays), most people crave more focused quality time. Here’s what I know: rooted families connect more and intentionally have more quality time during the holidays than the average family.

Today, we share six ways deeply rooted families create more connection and quality time during the holiday season. If you take these ideas seriously, you will reap deeper, more meaningful relationships with your family this month and beyond!

As with anything worth having, it takes intentionality, sacrifice, and determination to make it happen. If you want to connect more with your loved ones this holiday season, you may need to adjust your lifestyle.

This may require saying no to certain events, parties, or activities you would have said yes to in the past. To slow down and have more quality time with your family, you will need to simplify and make space. Instead of trying to jam more in, it’s about deleting and taking things off the calendar.

Are you wondering how some people can possibly make more time for their loved ones amidst this abundant season? If so, keep reading to learn six ways rooted families make this happen.

1. Rooted Families Know Their Priorities (and live them out).

Here is the first way that we see rooted families connect more during the holidays. They know their family priorities, and they also live them out. Think of priorities like the guardrails or boundaries for your calendar or schedule. If I were to look at your calendar, I should be able to identify your family’s priorities just by seeing how you spend your time.

Because it’s one thing to know what you want your family’s priorities to be. But it’s a whole other thing to live them out on the daily.

We understand that it can get especially difficult during the holidays when there are so many activities and to-do’s fighting for our time and attention.

Knowing our family priorities (or roots) is key to making quality family time a non-negotiable.

Sometimes, this looks like having a hard and honest conversation with your boss about work/life boundaries. My husband (Christian) has had to have many hard conversations with his various bosses over the years in order to protect our family’s priorities. For some, this might look like sharing your “hard end” times at the end of the work day or that you will not take calls/check email during the weekends or evenings.

Or it could look like having an honest conversation with your extended family about which family functions you will or won’t be able to attend. It’s all about knowing what your family needs this season and then putting those needs first.

Protecting your family’s priorities (or roots) takes bravery and courage, but it reaps the reward of having the quality time you long for with the most important people in your life.

Your Family Roots Give You Clarity

Another perspective on your priorities is to clarify your family’s roots. We teach families how to discover their unique roots in our Discover Your Roots workshop and in the Home M.O. Course (you can check out more about upcoming course dates HERE).

If you have yet to discover your roots, let me give you a brief overview.

Family roots are the God-given values or pillars that your family is built upon and intentionally live out in a family mission and legacy vision.

Imagine a large, mighty oak tree.

You can see the significant trunk and branches above the ground. And below ground is the most important thing– the root system. The roots of a tree are its life source and foundation.

If the roots are healthy, then the tree is healthy and can last for generations.

We want you to imagine your family like a mighty oak tree.

Your family has specific God-given roots that aren’t necessarily seen by the world; however, your family knows they exist, and you live by those roots.

When your family is clear about what your roots are, you are then able to stand upon those and live them out on a daily basis.

Knowing your family’s roots is like knowing your priorities.

For example, our family’s roots are God First, Family Always, Serve, Adventure, Forever Learners, and Inspire. These roots dictate what we do and don’t do in our family, and they most certainly play a role in how we spend our time as individuals and as a family during the holidays. We strive to make them a part of our everyday life and schedule.

For example. One of our family’s roots is “God First.” We consider this in every season of life, especially during the holidays.

We ask ourselves, “How can we put God first this holiday season?” We then intentionally schedule our spiritual activities first before anything else. Especially during the holiday season, we slow down in order to make more time for the Lord as we celebrate our Advent traditions.

You and your family may not have had the discussion about your family roots yet, and that’s ok! You can start by asking your spouse, your kids, or even yourself this question:

What are the top 3 things that matter to me/us this holiday season?

I want you and your family to ask this question and write your TOP three things down. Hang them on the fridge if you need to so that you can remember. Once you have clarity around those top 3 things, then you can make better decisions for your family’s calendar this season!

2. Rooted Families Have Self-Control With Their Phones

Another way that rooted families connect more during the holidays is that they execute self-control with their phones when they are together. Although there are many positive benefits, we all know that phones negatively impact our day-to-day relationships.

We all have seen the unsettling photos. For example, the ones of families being in the same space together but all on their phones. Or the couple lying in bed facing opposite directions, playing on their phones, foregoing connection with one another. We all have witnessed the couple out for dinner, but they pass the time scrolling on their phones instead of engaging in conversation. You get the picture.

Phones are taking over our family connection time.

However, a recent study shows that phones truly negatively inhibit families from connecting.

According to a study published in 2020 by the Journal of Peace, Development, and Communication, “85% of respondents use mobile phones for communication with people other than their family members when they are with their family; over 50% make calls to others during their family time; 83% text while around their family members, and 75% feel that they ignore their family due to cell phone use” (emphasis my own).

This alarming study demonstrates our human weakness regarding having phones around the most important people in our lives. It’s not just a problem.

A lack of healthy self-control with phones is shattering the quality time that we have set aside with our family.

Cell phones have also become a “bare necessity” to most. Just try going for 30 minutes without your cell phone near you. Or leaving the house without your cell phone. Most just can’t.

Take a look at our youngsters. Many children in today’s society can’t function out in public or withstand hours of a road trip without the pacifier of a tablet or device of some kind.

It doesn’t have to be this way, though.

What we have come to notice amongst healthy, rooted families is that they have healthy boundaries around their cell phones and other devices. The parents not only have self-control when it comes to their phones and other devices, but they teach their children to do this also.

Rooted families have special house rules around when cell phones can and can’t be used. For example, they may have a special technology zone in the home where cell phones go after a certain time of day (perhaps before dinner).

Rooted families also know when it is inappropriate to have their phones out. Some of those times would include during conversations with loved ones, sitting together at meal times, or when participating in family activities.

If you want a deeper and quality connection with your loved ones this holiday season, put your phones away. Don’t just turn it on to silent mode. Literally, put it out of sight, and focus on the family and loved ones that are present.

Putting your phone away when you are with your family communicates to them that they are worthy of your full attention. It communicates that you are present and here for them fully.

How to Have Self-Control With Your Phone

• Implement a few basic family rules around cell phone usage.
• Talk about what boundaries you will have in place around your phone, TV, tablets, and other devices when it is family time.
• Put the phone away when you are around your loved ones or while you are hosting guests.

3. Rooted Families Have White Space (and they schedule the extra margin into their calendars).

What is white space? White space (also known as margin) is intentional pockets of time that a person has in their schedule to relax, reflect, breathe, or simply do nothing.

It is the idea of purposefully creating blank spaces in one’s calendar to give yourself extra margin and breathing room.

How does having white space lead to more quality time with your family?

Let’s not deny the fact that many of us are living at capacity or beyond our capacity. Our schedules are completely filled to the brim. Many of us live like this as a normal way of life and head straight into the holidays with even more on our plates. However, when we function at full steam 24/7, we will burn out at some point. We know because we’ve been there (you can read our story of burnout HERE).

How could you see having white space as a gift to both you and your family during the holidays?

The average family fills up every waking moment in November and December with family functions, get-togethers, church commitments, concerts, and more. However, the rooted family is intentional about what activities they will be involved with while still leaving white space on their calendar for quality family time, family emergencies, and rest.

One of my best friends, Marni (momma of 8 kids), said something interesting a few days ago in conversation. She shared a thought that if we are already functioning at capacity, and then a kid gets sick, or a family emergency arises, and we don’t have any extra margin or white space, then we can go over our capacity.

The problem arises when we run for days or even weeks or months over our capacity, we eventually burn out and become no good for nobody.

And the best part? Having extra white space or margin on your calendar allows you more quality time with your family.

Can you imagine designating specific nights or weekends as “white space?” Those would be times when you and your family could linger over a candlelit dinner and have a deeper conversation. Or you could hang out in the living room and play board games without the pressure of being somewhere except together.

This Holiday season, I want to encourage you to embrace white space as a sacred space.

It is a space where you can allow the Lord to surprise you with the unexpected. It is a time that you can lean into for extra rest or rejuvenation if needed. And most importantly, it is time to just be present with your family without any obligation or other commitments.

Intentionally carving in white space into your calendar this month will give you the opportunity to slow down and savor more time with your family.

4. Rooted Families Know How to Say “No” (and yes to the right things).

Like the white space conversation, rooted families connect more during the holidays because they know what to say “no” to. They are intentional about what commitments and responsibilities they take on during the holiday season- not just saying yes to every opportunity that comes their way.

This includes extended family functions. This may especially impact you if you live in the same local area as all of your extended family. You might feel the pressure to be at every family get-together. This can become even more hectic if you have a blended family.

I (Kayla) come from a pretty large family- 4 siblings that live in various locations! My parents are divorced and live far apart. So in theory, this could mean multiple Christmas’ each year in different parts of the country.

Because of this (and also our desire to create our own traditions), Christian and I decided early on in our marriage that we would always do Christmas Day alone with our kids. This has meant that we have had to say no at times to different family functions or get-togethers (on both sides of our family).

On the flip side, we have created space for a very special and meaningful day with just our kids. We are creating our own traditions, and we make Christmas day all about connecting with one another. It’s slow, peaceful, and intentional quality time.

This is where knowing your family’s priorities or family roots becomes especially important. Determining what your family is about will help you to say “no” when you are tempted to say “yes.”

5. Rooted Families Prioritize Rest (including honoring the Sabbath).

One thing that healthy, rooted families do consistently is rest. They not only rest individually, but they rest together.

Rest is necessary.

And rest can look different for each person.

For some who work a desk job, resting may include hiking in the woods and being active. For the person who works hard with their hands all day, he or she may enjoy resting with a good book or their favorite TV show.

No matter what kind of work you do (whether it’s full-time with your babies at home, running a business, or going to a 9-5 career), you need rest. We were not designed to go-go-go non-stop. Only God can do all things and be all places.

By resting, we acknowledge our limits as human beings.

Rooted families not only consistently rest, but they also feel complete in their rest. They have confidence that the Lord is their ultimate provider. Rooted families are also secure in their inability to do all the things. They do not find their identity in their career, job, or work.

Rooted people know that there are no works that can make God love us more. So we find our ultimate assurance of His love when we rest.

Because the holidays can add an abundance to our plates, honoring the Sabbath becomes even more important. It is a weekly 24-hour time set aside for you and your family to rejuvenate, connect, and rest in the arms of Jesus. Our calendars should never be so full (even during the holidays) that we forgo the Sabbath. If so, we are truly missing out!

6. Rooted Families Intentionally Create Traditions (and prioritize them).

What are some of your favorite holiday traditions? We see that rooted families connect during the holidays by proactively keeping traditions alive.

There are so many beautiful ones that families partake in to connect together and experience quality time. From chopping down the Christmas tree to holiday cookie baking weekends to visiting a local lights show, holiday traditions draw families together and allow them to connect over a shared experience.

Deep down, whether we want to admit it or not, holiday traditions are something we all look forward to because it means we will have focused, quality time to connect with our loved ones. There’s one small but important detail to note about traditions.

Traditions must be nurtured and planned for. They do not happen on their own.

Rooted families not only keep traditions for tradition’s sake but are also intentional with the ones they keep. They have a reason behind why they do specific traditions, and they arrange time in their calendars to proactively keep the traditions alive.

How to create holiday traditions for your family:

1. Make a list of all the traditions that you currently have during the specific holiday season.
2. Determine which traditions are most meaningful to you and if you would like to continue with them
3. Ask yourself, “What other traditions would I like to try or begin incorporating with my family?” (Do you need some tradition ideas? Check out our post about 10 Meaningful Advent Traditions )
4. Schedule your traditions in your calendar! What gets scheduled gets done. If you typically need half a day to go cut down your tree, then schedule that half-day. Do you like to bake cookies for the neighbors with your kids? Then, block off the weekend that you plan to bake. By scheduling your traditions ahead of time, you will proactively create more quality time and connection with your family.

When you think about your childhood, what memories come up for you? I bet most of your memories are around your family traditions. Family traditions are more than just memories. They are woven into the thread of your family legacy. And we believe they are so sacred because of the time that we spend connecting with the people who matter most.

How do you connect during the holidays?

We hope that this article has not only given you some ideas on connecting more with your loved ones this holiday season, but we also hope that you are affirmed in what you are already doing! Every family is unique. The amount of quality time and connection that is needed varies from family to family, but in general, we see that rooted families do these specific 6 things to prioritize it.

We would love to hear from you! Comment below and share one way you and your family like to connect during the holidays. We can’t wait to learn from you!

-Christian & Kayla
Co-founders of Legacy Roots Co.