Do you get exhausted, overwhelmed, or burned out during the holiday season? It does not have to be this way. The holiday season can feel easy, light, and peaceful. In this article, we teach you how to ditch the chaos by creating healthy boundaries your family needs during the holidays!

Ugh, there are just so many things to do, and Christmas is just a few weeks away. Just thinking about the list makes me want to pull my hair out! Or just go back to bed.

I still need to buy presents for Aunt Jody, Grandma Sue, my best friend Chessie, the Bible study ladies, and the Jones’ down at the end of the street. And, of course, we can’t forget about the kids’ special ornaments this year…still need to order those.

I might be able to squeeze in a couple of hours of baking this weekend to make our neighbors’ Christmas cookies (in between the grocery shopping, cleaning, and Christmas decorating). Oh, and I really need to book Tommy a haircut before our Christmas photos next week, or else Grandpa is going to have a word about that.

And there are still about 100 Christmas cards left to write. Mom and Dad want to know if we can come on Christmas day, as do the in-laws and Dave and Laura from church. I was really hoping to stay home this year for Christmas, but I know that Grandma will be upset about that. Maybe we can squeeze all of them in if we stay two hours at each place? The kids could maybe nap in the car between each place.

And Lila has her Christmas performance next week. I still need to get her a pretty dress for that… I don’t want her looking like a slob in front of the whole school. Oh, and the teachers! I almost forgot. What gifts will we give to the teachers this year? We can’t forget about the teacher assistants, the principal, the janitor, the music and the gym teacher!

On top of all of this, my work still needs to get done. My boss is going to kill me if I don’t get that end-of-year report done. I’m going to be up until midnight every night this week. Maybe I should consider using some of my PTO before the end of the year… I still have 12 days, and they will expire by Dec 31. Nah, forget that…too much work to be done.

I think if we are honest, most of us can relate to the above person’s thoughts at one point or another.

Are you feeling like this person? A little chaotic, stressed, or overwhelmed this holiday season?

If so, you’re not alone.

Most people have too much going on during the months of November and December.

From feeling obligated to attend all the holiday parties and gatherings to purchasing more gifts than your budget can afford to not putting holiday rhythms and traditions on the calendar, many families experience overwhelm instead of peace during Christmas.

Can you relate?

If so, you may lack healthy boundaries around your time, resources, rest, or family during the holiday season.

And the hard reality is that whenever we go beyond our capacity, overwhelm is sure to creep in.

Going beyond our capacity almost always happens when we are not clear on our boundaries, especially having healthy family boundaries during the holidays.

During a season that is marked by the Prince of Peace coming to earth, it is bewildering how “unpeaceful” Christmas can be for so many.

Families everywhere are jam-packing their calendars, from feeling obligated to attend 7 different family and friend Christmas gatherings to spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars (that we don’t have) on Christmas gifts to endless tasks and to-dos that must get done.

If you find yourself in this predicament, then read on because we will support you in creating healthy family boundaries that will allow you to feel PEACE and JOY this holiday season. Instead of being a “victim” to your life this Christmas, you will learn to take control and intentionally create healthy boundaries.

What Are Boundaries?

Let’s begin with the basics. What are healthy boundaries?

According to Dr. Henry Cloud (Best-selling author of the book, “Boundaries,” says that “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end, and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”

Boundaries are like fences in our yards. They are not walls that keep people out. Instead, they define what our own responsibility is and what is another’s.

This is important to understand because we are all responsible for our energy, time, talents, and resources. We all have been given this one life to live, and the Lord instructs each of us on how He wants us to invest our time (which is really how we are investing our life).

Unlike God, we cannot be in all places at all times.

We are limited, and therefore our time is limited. This is where having healthy boundaries comes into play. We cannot possibly be at 3 Christmas functions or gatherings all at once. We get to decide our priorities and whom we will spend time with.

Especially during the holidays.

Many of us have large extended or blended families, so we may be invited to several holiday gatherings. When we are young without kids, we might have had the energy to hop from one family function to another in just one day.

However, as we have children and get older, we realize that that way of life can be chaotic and energy-draining. It affects all those involved. The more we jam-pack into our calendars, the more overwhelmed we become (our children included).

Why Do We Need Boundaries?

Did you know that we serve a God of boundaries? The Lord’s boundaries are all over scripture, beginning in Genesis when He separated the water from the land. He even created boundaries around certain things the Israelites should or shouldn’t eat and around our schedules of when we should work and rest (sabbath).

We all benefit from having healthy boundaries. When we do not have boundaries, we leave room for others to dictate our schedule.

And the truth is that no one can live your life for you.

God has designed your life and family differently than ours. And God gives us each the responsibility to steward our own lives.

When we do not have healthy boundaries in place, we become overwhelmed, stressed out, and exhausted, and we feel out of alignment with who God has made us to be. And being an overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned-out Christ follower is no good for anyone– especially our families, who deserve the best of us.

So here are five necessary boundaries that all families need in place during the holidays to show up as their very best.

5 Healthy Boundaries Every Family Needs to Create During the Holidays

1. Create healthy time boundaries.

Creating healthy boundaries for your family during the holidays ultimately depends on how you invest your time. Our time is our life, and how we choose to spend our time is actually determined by our priorities.

Show me a family’s calendar, and I can tell you what that family values and prioritizes.
Do you prioritize health? Your calendar will reflect that.
Do you prioritize church? Your calendar will reflect that.
Do you prioritize family time? Your calendar will reflect that.

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule but to schedule your priorities.

― Stephen Covey

In other words, what we prioritize, we schedule.

And for many of us, we aren’t scheduling the things we prioritize.

We think the important things will just “happen.” We schedule things such as doctor appointments and work schedules, but we fail to schedule other important things such as family dinners, date nights, and rest time.

This holiday season, I want you to determine your top 3 priorities (and I want you to write them down!) If you are married, this would be a good conversation to have with your spouse so that you are aligned on your top priorities.

When making your priorities, consider the people you want to see, the traditions you want to keep, church and spiritual activities, and how much rest you value.

Once you know what your top priorities are for this season, this will help you to make scheduling decisions.

Take it one step further by scheduling your priorities. There is no such thing as a “silly” or “little” thing to put on your calendar. Go ahead and schedule your family traditions, present wrapping, family devotion times, and date nights if necessary. Be sure to put what you want to make happen on the calendar.

Remember- what gets scheduled happens!

2. Create healthy rest boundaries.

Are you the go-go-go type? Always have a project to accomplish or a never-ending to-do list? Then creating healthy rest boundaries might seem like a foreign concept to you. But I promise this is one healthy boundary that you and your family will greatly benefit from this holiday season.

We extensively discuss creating healthy margin and white space in our calendar in our blog post-, 6 Ways Rooted Families Connect More During the Holidays.

Here’s the key: create nonnegotiable margin or white space (and put it on the calendar!)

Scheduling margin in your calendar is not only a good practice during the year, but it is a best practice during the holidays. Within a season that has an abundance of opportunities, setting aside nonnegotiable margin or white space will provide the replenishment you need to stay calm, peaceful, and joy-filled.

We believe that God has gifted every person with the sabbath if we choose to take Him up on it. This is a 24-hour period of time in which you dedicate to rest, worship, play, and connection every single week. Want to learn more about the Sabbath? Read our post about 3 Steps To Getting Started With the Sabbath.

It is possible to maintain a busy schedule and still make time for the Sabbath. Our family is proof of this! The Lord always makes way for it all to come together. Sabbath rejuvenates us every week so that we are capable and able to sustain our abundant lifestyle and family life. Even during the holidays, honoring the Sabbath is nonnegotiable for our family because of the peace and joy Jesus provides.

And ultimately, the Sabbath makes space for us to experience God on a deeper level, which is so profound, especially during the Advent season.

What would it look like for you and your family to create rest boundaries during the holidays?

3. Create healthy finance boundaries.

One healthy boundary that all families need during the holidays is a boundary around their finances. This is more than just having a budget. It is about communicating with your spouse (if you are married), or being honest with yourself about how much you actually want to invest in gift-giving and experiences this season.

Without clarity on what you actually want and can afford, you can easily go overboard. Also, when we don’t communicate financial boundaries with our spouse, we create unnecessary tension. This tension takes away our peace and joy during this beautiful season that is marked by peace and joy.

How to Create Healthy Finance Boundaries During the Holidays

1. Make your Christmas list and determine how much you would like to spend per person.
2. Make a list of desired Christmas activities and determine how much the activities will cost.
3. Determine how much extra food cost you will have for any hosting you will be doing.
4. Add all of your numbers together to determine your holiday spending budget. (If this number is more than you would like to spend, go back through your lists and adjust the numbers.)
5. Make a decision to stick with your budget without going into debt.
6. Keep a list of gifts as you purchase throughout the season. You may consider keeping a note in your phone or a spreadsheet with the amount spent per person and activity.
7. If you need to adjust the budget throughout the process, be sure to talk with your spouse. Make all financial decisions together.
8. Do not purchase anything on debt.

What will be your financial boundary this Christmas season?

4. Create healthy phone and technology boundaries.

5. Create healthy family life boundaries.

Lastly, I want you to consider the healthy boundaries you want to create specifically for your family this holiday season. The other types of boundaries play into this one as well. Creating healthy boundaries for your family during the holidays will bring you more peace and joy.

To help determine your family boundaries, I want you to think specifically about these three questions:

1. What traditions are most important to my family?
2. What does my family need more of this holiday season?
3. How do I want my family to feel this season?

Consider your answers to these questions as you determine what is right for your family. This might require you to set some boundaries that you haven’t set before.

For example, if your family needs to slow down this season, you may want to say no to some parties, gatherings, or functions you would normally say yes to.

Or if your family needs more quality time together as an immediate family, you may consider doing Christmas Day at home and not traveling to 3 different family Christmas parties.

Or, if your family would benefit from saving money this season, you may decide to give fewer gifts or spend less on your children’s gifts than you have in the past.

All of these decisions require healthy communication. Who do you need to share your boundaries with so that the holidays are peaceful for you and everyone involved?

All families are unique and have different roots and family values. Because of this, you need to be clear on what your family values and prioritizes. This will help you set healthy boundaries during the holiday season.

A heads up! You may get some backlash from family and friends who do not like or understand your boundaries. However, if you are clear, direct, and kind about what your boundaries are, then you can stand in confidence as you hold to them.

Beware: Don’t Compare

In the end, you get to make the right decisions for your family and your life. The Lord has entrusted you to make healthy decisions that will support your family, and He will give you the wisdom you need as you navigate this.

Just know, that there is no right or wrong answer. There is only what is right for you.

It is important that you do not compare your calendar, family, or life with another. Comparison is always a thief of joy and peace. Instead, let us make the right boundaries of what we will and will not do this season and be content with that.

I would love to hear from you! Comment below and share one type of boundary you will create during this holiday season!

Stay Rooted in Christ,
Kayla